Rule 1: The Icebreaker
Tell them how nice they look at the beginning of the night it shows that your attracted to them and it breaks the ice a little.
Rule 2: Don’t Hide any Intentions
Say how you feel about your date because you don’t want to lead them down any roads where you’re not planning on going. For example sex, kiss at the end of the date, a possible long lasting relationship.
Rule 3: Plan Place Beforehand
Always think of somewhere interesting to go where you can talk. You want to get to know this possible true love and if you don’t have anything to talk about then you know that the relationship is going to be awkward.
Rule 4: Gum Chewing No No
Never chew gum while talking to them. It’s really unattractive for both sexes and people tend to spit a little when they have gum in their mouths. Also, if you happen to kiss at the end of the night, you never want to choke in the middle of the perfect kiss.
Rule 5: Don’t Always let him Pay
Men always offer to pay for the date. Don’t always accept. A relationship is a two-way thing and beginning with him paying for everything is not a good way to start a healthy relationship. Always offer to help pay for something, if they refuse then accept the gift. It’s always nice to have a good surprise
Rule 6: Body Odor
Make sure you smell good. B.O is a total turn off so make sure you wear perfume. Wear something expensive like ck ,jean or dkny or anything else that smells nice. Don’t overdo it. It will seem like you’re trying to cover something up. A faint smell of Ralph Lauren rather than body odor is always nice.
Rule 7: Dressing Correctly
Don’t overdress you don’t want to make your date look under dressed. That can be so embarrassing. Try and find out what your date is wearing before the big date and also VERY important find out where your going before you dress. Try to dress for the occasion.
Rule 7: The Final Kiss.
Simply take his or her hand before you kiss him/her if they pull their hand away it means don’t kiss him, if the hold your hand back lean over for the kiss.
Rule 8: Taking it to the Next Step
A small kiss will do at first. Kiss them on the lips quickly and if they seemed to like it, and you feel comfortable with it, carry on with the full tongue thing. If they don’t like it, then just walk away.
Rule 9: Back up Plan
If you like him/her don’t wait for your date to ask for the second date. If you do it shows your keen and that you really like him. If they say no, voice any interest in possibly becoming friends.
Rule 10: Going too Far
Never ever have sex on the first date. It shows you’re easy and that may be the only reason they asked to out in the first place
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Steps to Make your Arranged Marriage Successful
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Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages, is the primary concept about marriage, with which we Indians are nurtured. As children, we are always brought up with the belief that when we grow older, our parents search a life partner for us, with whom we are supposed to marry. The concept of arranged marriage is not at all wrong; it is a practice, which has been followed by Indians, since ages. Also, marriages groomed with Indian traditions are the most successful and the long lived matrimony bonds. But, now the ideologies are changing with the concept of love marriage is coming into practice. But, still a significant number of marriages bonds tied in India are arranged and a bride and groom need to be well prepared to accept a stranger as his life partner.
Efforts need to be made from both the sides, to make the marriage bond a success. Following are the steps, which you must follow, to keep your arranged marriage on a healthy and a happy track:
First of all, every relationship demands comfort. You need to bring your relationship to a level which is friendly and wherein you can share every little thing with your partner. This comfort brings you closer to your spouse.
When you get to know a person, then you start taking care of his small- small things, which develops the emotions of care and understanding in the relation. Caring for the smallest of the needs of your life partner, adds strength to your wedding bond.
Care and understanding gives birth to the feeling of love in each others heart, which eventually gets stronger and results in intimacy in the relationship.
In an arranged marriage, you should give time and space to your spouse, to understand each other and should not get hyper over small issues.
You should remember, talking helps, therefore, if you have some doubts or problems, then please clear with your life partner, then and there.
All these steps may vary according to situations and how well you know the person. But the crux of every relation lies in the understanding you share and your willingness to groom the bond with love.
Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages, is the primary concept about marriage, with which we Indians are nurtured. As children, we are always brought up with the belief that when we grow older, our parents search a life partner for us, with whom we are supposed to marry. The concept of arranged marriage is not at all wrong; it is a practice, which has been followed by Indians, since ages. Also, marriages groomed with Indian traditions are the most successful and the long lived matrimony bonds. But, now the ideologies are changing with the concept of love marriage is coming into practice. But, still a significant number of marriages bonds tied in India are arranged and a bride and groom need to be well prepared to accept a stranger as his life partner.
Efforts need to be made from both the sides, to make the marriage bond a success. Following are the steps, which you must follow, to keep your arranged marriage on a healthy and a happy track:
First of all, every relationship demands comfort. You need to bring your relationship to a level which is friendly and wherein you can share every little thing with your partner. This comfort brings you closer to your spouse.
When you get to know a person, then you start taking care of his small- small things, which develops the emotions of care and understanding in the relation. Caring for the smallest of the needs of your life partner, adds strength to your wedding bond.
Care and understanding gives birth to the feeling of love in each others heart, which eventually gets stronger and results in intimacy in the relationship.
In an arranged marriage, you should give time and space to your spouse, to understand each other and should not get hyper over small issues.
You should remember, talking helps, therefore, if you have some doubts or problems, then please clear with your life partner, then and there.
All these steps may vary according to situations and how well you know the person. But the crux of every relation lies in the understanding you share and your willingness to groom the bond with love.
More on Courtship/Relationships Period: Do’s and Don’ts
The courtship period is the time to decide about your marriage with the chosen partner. This is the only time where you can create or leave impressions of your partner on yourself and of yours on your partner. When a couple is gently uncovering the layers of each other’s personality, they should be a little careful. Read on to know more and follow the tips to have a successful courtship:
Open Mind and Unbiased opinions
Initiate your courtship period with a clear open mind. Avoid forming a biased or prejudiced view of your partner. You will surely be welcomed with many pleasant surprises while getting to know your partner better at the same time.
Spend quality time together
Take out enough quality time for each other. Spending time together would help you in exploring your partner’s temperament, behavior, interests, etc. directly or indirectly. Asking too many questions can become a little boring and even uncomfortable at times, so, try observing each other. You may observe his/ her behavior while driving on a busy road, while placing order at a crowded restaurant, while shopping in a busy market or while talking about general issues.
Don’t be on a fault finding spree
If your focus is on trying to see the negatives of the other person, you will obviously find uncountable. Remember two things: ‘Nobody is perfect’ and ‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’. A couple has to always accept each other as they are to make the relationship work successfully. Two people with differences in their personalities can still make a happy great couple.
But, do make sure, it is not an investigation period instead the most cherished one. Keep it beautiful and enjoy it fully. Take a wise decision and have a happy life!
Open Mind and Unbiased opinions
Initiate your courtship period with a clear open mind. Avoid forming a biased or prejudiced view of your partner. You will surely be welcomed with many pleasant surprises while getting to know your partner better at the same time.
Spend quality time together
Take out enough quality time for each other. Spending time together would help you in exploring your partner’s temperament, behavior, interests, etc. directly or indirectly. Asking too many questions can become a little boring and even uncomfortable at times, so, try observing each other. You may observe his/ her behavior while driving on a busy road, while placing order at a crowded restaurant, while shopping in a busy market or while talking about general issues.
Don’t be on a fault finding spree
If your focus is on trying to see the negatives of the other person, you will obviously find uncountable. Remember two things: ‘Nobody is perfect’ and ‘Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder’. A couple has to always accept each other as they are to make the relationship work successfully. Two people with differences in their personalities can still make a happy great couple.
But, do make sure, it is not an investigation period instead the most cherished one. Keep it beautiful and enjoy it fully. Take a wise decision and have a happy life!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
10 Surefire Ways To Get A Date
Let me be honest, the title is a cheap attempt at grabbing readers attention. A more accurate title would have been Demystifying NLP – Rapid rapport Building, but I got fed up of having a similar title every day so I dumped my ethics at the door and went for broke. The advice in here can indeed be used to attract a mate, but more importantly it can be used to help you build rapid rapport in any given situation. If you want to concentrate purely on the dating side of using NLP I’d recommend you read this and then go and read The Game by Neil Strauss (see below).
When building rapport it’s critical to understand that on the whole people like people who are like them. As a species we feel more at home when we are surrounded by people that look similar, behave similar and have similar beliefs and values.
Therefore, if you are trying to build rapport with an Englishman it’s probably not wisest to kick off the conversation with “What’s the deal with English food then, it all tastes crap? And another thing pasty boy, the weather sucks, you all have bad teeth and cricket is about as entertaining as watching a Congressional Hearing on potatoes” It doesn’t really matter how accurate the statement is, it’s not going to win you any friends or influence many people.
Before I get into the meat of this post I want to reiterate what I said yesterday and that like my wife, this is only right most of the time, not all the time. You have to start by calibrating the situation if you want to increase your chances of success. Having said that, if you are in telesales and have 3.6 seconds to make an impact, forget the calibration and dive in there head first using the methods most likely to work. Just realize that you’ll probably get it wrong from time to time and it’s not a big deal.
1. Pace – Pacing is critical in building rapport especially when using the phone. Pacing is the act of following the tempo of the person that you are talking to. This does not mean mimic them or make a half-assed attempt at copying their accent, it simple means listening for their speed and pitch of delivery and match it as closely as you can. Fast talkers usually get frustrated with slow talkers, and slow talkers think people that talk at 100mph are on speed and can feel intimidated by them. When you start to do this effectively you’ll be amazed at how quickly you build rapport as you immediately get yourself on the same page as the other person.
2. Lead – If you’ve paced properly you can then lead. Once you are pacing and in rapport you can then start to return slowly to how you want the conversation to go. Low and behold the other person will often unconsciously start to pace you, and you have control of the situation as well as knowing you have rapport. This can be used by highly astute customer service people, so on my reckoning, that’s about 4 people in the US.
3. Mirror/Match – This is like pacing but for your body. People that are in rapport will often have similar body language. Next time you’re in a restaurant or bar look for couples and see if you can spot those that are in completely engrossed in each other. When one crosses a leg, more often than not the other will do too.
This is all done at an unconscious level, so don’t worry about looking too obvious I have never had anybody pick me up on this. A good starting point with this can be with an introductory handshake. If the person you are meeting has a handshake designed to crack oyster shells don’t hang your hand out there like it’s a piece of wet halibut. Amazingly enough you do have long enough during a handshake to get this right, so practice it.
Note: Mirroring and matching are really one and the same, with matching if the other person crosses their left leg, you do too, and with mirroring it would mean you cross the opposite leg.
4. Eye Contact – This is really difficult to get right to and I’d probably advise being vague and looking to see what the other person does. It can be creepy if you hold somebody’s stare for too long and equally it can seem weird if you are gazing everywhere but at the person you’re with. Hold eye contact when they are talking because this shows interest but remember to break it from time to time.
5. Compliments – The vast majority of people like complements and are attracted to people that give them one. A big no-no here though is not to make them up.
6. Smiling – This is a tough one when talking about building rapport. It can depend heavily on the person you are trying to build rapport with and the situation you are in. I used to sell to CFO’s a few years ago and let me tell you, these people don’t smile a lot. If you walk in looking like the village idiot on crack you may lose any chance to bond before you even get your first word out. On the other hand smiling is good in about 90% of sitautions.
7. Representational Systems – This take s a lot of practice and I’d not advise it to be the first thing you do. We all have a primary representational system that will be visual, auditory or kinesthetic. I may go into these in more detail in another post (although equally, I may not) but the skinny is this.
On the whole, people that are visual will have a tendency to use words and phrases like “I see what you man”, “I get the picture” “Let me focus in on that”. Auditory people will be more inclined to say “I hear you” “Sounds great to me” “It’s as clear as a bell”. Kinesthetic people will tend towards phrases like “I can’t quite grasp that” “That just feels right to me” “My gut tells me”
A word of warning: We all use every representational system so you want to be looking for patterns not specifics. If in doubt mix it up and try avoiding staying stuck in your own in case. If you do, and the person you are trying to communicate with uses a different one, they’re likely to get bored with you quicker than my wife’s got bored with American Idol now the good looking Aussie has been kicked out.
8. Look for things in common – This can be a brilliant rapport builder and one I frequently used when I was in sales. It works best when you are in their home or office environment. Look for signs of things they like that you also like. Don’t pretend you’re into horses if you aren’t and that you like to compete in triathlons if you don’t or that you think Animal Rights is cool if you’re wearing a pair of mink briefs. You’ll get found out eventually. The moment you get the person talking about a passion that you both share is the moment that you have rapport.
9. Ask questions – By this I don’t mean batter then with banal trivia questions, but ask them questions about themselves. Most people (although far from all) like to talk about themselves and if you keep asking them to tell you more they’ll think you’re just brilliant.
10. Be funny, smell nice and be halfway good looking. Sorry, I can’t help you with any of that.
When building rapport it’s critical to understand that on the whole people like people who are like them. As a species we feel more at home when we are surrounded by people that look similar, behave similar and have similar beliefs and values.
Therefore, if you are trying to build rapport with an Englishman it’s probably not wisest to kick off the conversation with “What’s the deal with English food then, it all tastes crap? And another thing pasty boy, the weather sucks, you all have bad teeth and cricket is about as entertaining as watching a Congressional Hearing on potatoes” It doesn’t really matter how accurate the statement is, it’s not going to win you any friends or influence many people.
Before I get into the meat of this post I want to reiterate what I said yesterday and that like my wife, this is only right most of the time, not all the time. You have to start by calibrating the situation if you want to increase your chances of success. Having said that, if you are in telesales and have 3.6 seconds to make an impact, forget the calibration and dive in there head first using the methods most likely to work. Just realize that you’ll probably get it wrong from time to time and it’s not a big deal.
1. Pace – Pacing is critical in building rapport especially when using the phone. Pacing is the act of following the tempo of the person that you are talking to. This does not mean mimic them or make a half-assed attempt at copying their accent, it simple means listening for their speed and pitch of delivery and match it as closely as you can. Fast talkers usually get frustrated with slow talkers, and slow talkers think people that talk at 100mph are on speed and can feel intimidated by them. When you start to do this effectively you’ll be amazed at how quickly you build rapport as you immediately get yourself on the same page as the other person.
2. Lead – If you’ve paced properly you can then lead. Once you are pacing and in rapport you can then start to return slowly to how you want the conversation to go. Low and behold the other person will often unconsciously start to pace you, and you have control of the situation as well as knowing you have rapport. This can be used by highly astute customer service people, so on my reckoning, that’s about 4 people in the US.
3. Mirror/Match – This is like pacing but for your body. People that are in rapport will often have similar body language. Next time you’re in a restaurant or bar look for couples and see if you can spot those that are in completely engrossed in each other. When one crosses a leg, more often than not the other will do too.
This is all done at an unconscious level, so don’t worry about looking too obvious I have never had anybody pick me up on this. A good starting point with this can be with an introductory handshake. If the person you are meeting has a handshake designed to crack oyster shells don’t hang your hand out there like it’s a piece of wet halibut. Amazingly enough you do have long enough during a handshake to get this right, so practice it.
Note: Mirroring and matching are really one and the same, with matching if the other person crosses their left leg, you do too, and with mirroring it would mean you cross the opposite leg.
4. Eye Contact – This is really difficult to get right to and I’d probably advise being vague and looking to see what the other person does. It can be creepy if you hold somebody’s stare for too long and equally it can seem weird if you are gazing everywhere but at the person you’re with. Hold eye contact when they are talking because this shows interest but remember to break it from time to time.
5. Compliments – The vast majority of people like complements and are attracted to people that give them one. A big no-no here though is not to make them up.
6. Smiling – This is a tough one when talking about building rapport. It can depend heavily on the person you are trying to build rapport with and the situation you are in. I used to sell to CFO’s a few years ago and let me tell you, these people don’t smile a lot. If you walk in looking like the village idiot on crack you may lose any chance to bond before you even get your first word out. On the other hand smiling is good in about 90% of sitautions.
7. Representational Systems – This take s a lot of practice and I’d not advise it to be the first thing you do. We all have a primary representational system that will be visual, auditory or kinesthetic. I may go into these in more detail in another post (although equally, I may not) but the skinny is this.
On the whole, people that are visual will have a tendency to use words and phrases like “I see what you man”, “I get the picture” “Let me focus in on that”. Auditory people will be more inclined to say “I hear you” “Sounds great to me” “It’s as clear as a bell”. Kinesthetic people will tend towards phrases like “I can’t quite grasp that” “That just feels right to me” “My gut tells me”
A word of warning: We all use every representational system so you want to be looking for patterns not specifics. If in doubt mix it up and try avoiding staying stuck in your own in case. If you do, and the person you are trying to communicate with uses a different one, they’re likely to get bored with you quicker than my wife’s got bored with American Idol now the good looking Aussie has been kicked out.
8. Look for things in common – This can be a brilliant rapport builder and one I frequently used when I was in sales. It works best when you are in their home or office environment. Look for signs of things they like that you also like. Don’t pretend you’re into horses if you aren’t and that you like to compete in triathlons if you don’t or that you think Animal Rights is cool if you’re wearing a pair of mink briefs. You’ll get found out eventually. The moment you get the person talking about a passion that you both share is the moment that you have rapport.
9. Ask questions – By this I don’t mean batter then with banal trivia questions, but ask them questions about themselves. Most people (although far from all) like to talk about themselves and if you keep asking them to tell you more they’ll think you’re just brilliant.
10. Be funny, smell nice and be halfway good looking. Sorry, I can’t help you with any of that.
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